The food pyramid we REALLY need: MyLateNightFridge

Is this the face of the new food pyramid?

Much like the great pyramids of Egypt, the USDA Food Pyramid has been around forever. And much like those grandiose Egyptian structures, people have stared, slackjawed, marveling at this formidable construction and wondering, “How is that even possible?” Do I really need to take down 11 slices of bread in one day? Isn’t using the words “sweets” and “sparingly” in the same sentence sacrilegious?

To make healthy eating a bit more palatable, the government just released a more modern symbol: MyPlate. It is, obviously, a dinner plate, divided into four sections: Fruits and vegetables occupy half the space. Grains and proteins take up the other half and a blue circle on the side represents a serving of low-fat dairy.

Bravo to our nutritional leaders for trying to simplify the healthy eating process. But honestly, who uses plates anymore? We women are busy, to say the least – I‘ve had to combine my Tweeting with my bathroom trips and my friend, Julie, recently ran a 5K while pushing her two daughters and texting. If the government really wanted to make things easier, they would have unveiled a symbol of a women bathed in the glow of an open refrigerator door, gobbling cold Chinese takeout with one hand while emailing with the other.

With that, I present to you, the guiding nutritional principles of MyLateNightFridge:

60% of gobbling: Bottom drawer. That’s where I store nail polish fruits and veggies, which everyone agrees are the cornerstone of a well-rounded eating plan. Up until last week, we also had a case of Red Stripe hanging out there, remainders of a poker game my husband hosted in January. Beer drinkers, he and I are not. So I tossed them – but not before draining each and every bottle in the sink (we have plenty of homeless people wandering our back alley and do not need them to be trashed and singing Bobby McFerrin tunes.) Our kitchen smelled like a frat house for days.

20% of gobbling: Middle shelf. Frequent residents include organic Costco spinach, washed and cut-up fruit and veggies, hardboiled eggs and Greek yogurt. Binge with abandon.

10% of gobbling: Fridge door. No, I’m not regularly chugging BBQ sauce, ketchup and pickle juice. But this is where I keep my organic skim milk and Lifeway Birthday Cake Kefir, and women need strong, calcium-fortified bones to prevent Dowager’s Humps acquired from wolfing down food in another kitchen zone: Hunched over the sink.

5% of gobbling: Top shelf. AKA Danger Zone. In my house, this is where leftovers typically reside — everything from pad thai to birthday cake. Best to limit gullet-stuffing from this region if jeans are to zip up the following day.

5% of gobbling: Freezer. Permanent guests include yummy high-sodium frozen meals, Ben & Jerry’s Phish Food (fro yo, but still), and my mom’s brownies, frozen to prevent nightly bingeing. Also: Grey Goose. As the experts themselves say, everything in moderation.

Still a diehard pyramid fan? Check out these fun options:

College food pyramid

Zombie food pyramid

USDA food recall pyramid



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10 Responses to The food pyramid we REALLY need: MyLateNightFridge

  1. All I can say is BRILLIANT. This is sooooo smart.
    Chad @ thebreakupnote recently posted..The “I Wills” of Health- Part 3

  2. Nicci says:


  3. bdaiss says:

    Much better than a pyramid! I’ve been working very hard though to STOP multi-tasking while eating and get my family to SIT DOWN. Always more challenging during summer…

    And someone else who keeps nail polish in the fridge! I should really do a post on the umpteen different colors of green polish I have and the story behind it…
    bdaiss recently posted..This is the muck

  4. thanks, guys!

    And yes, britt, the fridge is the best place for nail polish and batteries. Duh.
    Leslie Goldman recently posted..The food pyramid we REALLY need- MyLateNightFridge

  5. Cammy says:

    I’m a bit of a carboholic, so I’ve always been partial to this one:
    Cammy recently posted..Food and Mood

  6. cute, Cammy! I just bought personalized stamps from Zazzle…fun site :-)
    Leslie Goldman recently posted..The food pyramid we REALLY need- MyLateNightFridge

  7. charlotte says:

    You crack me up! I looked at the plate thingy and thought “isn’t this basically the same 4 food groups from when I was kid” Also? Freezing brownies doesn’t slow me down for a second lol.
    charlotte recently posted..Is Eating Red Meat Bad For You Research Porn!

  8. Too good Leslie-too good!!

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