The Yom Kippur Diet

On the holiest day in the Jewish religion (it’s like our version of weekly Confession but rolled up into one long 24-hour period of reflection) we look back on our transgressions over the past year and, in true Jewish form, punish ourselves via food. As in, we don’t eat. In the past, some of my Jewish girlfriends have fasted because they felt it was a sanctioned way to avoid eating for the day. A diet kick-start, essentially. (More proof I’m not making this up: In 1999, The Renfrew Center (you may know of it from the documentary Thin), issued a press release, “Jewish Women Worldwide Warned of Health Risk on Upcoming High Holy Day — Rabbis and Health Experts Caution Fasting on Yom Kippur Can Harm People with Eating Disorders.”)

To me, this is really similar to diet-conscious Christians giving up carbohydrates and alcohol and sweets for the 40 days between Ash Wednesday and Easter. I mean, I’ve flat-out heard people say, “I’m going low-carb for Lent.”

With that in mind, I’ve compiled a list of other U.S. holidays, along with fun and inventive ways to potentially turn them into weight loss tools. Because really, nothing says celebration like a two-pound water weight loss.

The holiday: Ramadan

During this Islamic month of fasting, meant to teach patience, modesty and spirituality, participating Muslims do not eat or drink from dawn until sunset. Every day, for an entire month.

Potential weight lost: You can drop 20 pounds in just one month and potentially fit into a single leg of your skinny jeans! Just be sure to get up from any seated positions very slowly, because remember: Fainters may be taken to the ER and you know what that means…fattening hospital food!

 

The holiday: Columbus Day

Celebrate the anniversary of Christopher Columbus’s arrival in the Americas, which occurred on October 12, 1492, by running nonstop from morning ’til night, symbolizing the chasing of the Indians from their rightful land. Do not eat to avoid cramping.

Potential weight lost: May vary, but you’ll definitely burn at least 1,000 calories, which is way better than an hour on the Stairmaster.

 

The holiday: Passover

The Torah says to abstain from any food with leavening for seven days in honor of our Jewish ancestors who, as they escaped slavery in ancient Egypt, were forced to flee their homes before their bread rose in the oven. AKA The Atkins Diet.

Potential weight lost: 4-7 pounds, depending on whether you’re just avoiding dry cereal or actually shooting for ketoacidosis and wrapping cheeseburgers in lettuce wraps

 

The holiday: Veteran’s Day

In honor of those who serve and protect our great nation, why not try eating the actual MREs (Meal, Ready-to-Eat) our soliders are often forced to live off of while in combat? These self-contained, individual field rations each provide about 1,200 calories each, must be able to withstand parachute drops from 1,200 ft, and have a shelf life of three years. Yummy!

Potential weight lost: If you start on Veteran’s Day and continue for 21 days, you could drop two dress sizes and finally fit into the leggings that have been languishing in your closet since Desert Storm!

 

The holiday: St Patrick’s Day

Sanctioned drunkorexia? We’re in!

Potential weight lost: You might actually gain a pound or two from bloat; more if you succumb to a late-night bacon-and-eggs-skillet-combo binge

 

The holiday: Election Day

After months of hearing the same crap over and over from the candidates, you’ve probably lost your appetite by the time early November rolls around.

Potential weight lost: 1 pound, but if walk to your polling place, you’ll burn a few extra calories.

 

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One Response to The Yom Kippur Diet

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