Yo Mama: TIME Cover Edition

As someone who spends approximately 38% of the day with her boob in someone’s mouth, I took particular interest in the recent TIME magazine kerfuffle over attachment parenting. “Three years is too old for a child to still be nursing!” screams one camp. “Nursing on demand, even until toddlerhood, makes kids feel safe and secure!” cries another. “Mmmph grmnish mnnph,” snorts the third.

Not since the advent of Rush Limbaugh has a single boob created such a melee.

When it comes to the best age to wean, nobody is “right,” just like no one is right when it comes to other highly charged boobie-centric debates, such as whether women should get implants, whether moms should be able to breastfeed uncovered in public, or whether that African infant who got to nurse off of Salma Hayek in 2009 is, in fact, the world’s luckiest person.

Here’s the thing: I have absolutely zero problem with a woman breastfeeding her child until he or she is old enough to safely ride a roller coaster. I myself hope to continue nursing for at least a year – a goal that my little lady’s (very early) first tooth has forced me to reevaluate. Breastfeeding is a wondrous, natural phenomenon; who I am to say when a mom should wean her own child? That said, the issue is ripe for parody*, so allow me to present:

Yo Mama: TIME Magazine Cover Edition

Yo Mama has been nursing for so long, she uses a tablecloth as a Hooter Hider.

Yo Mama has been nursing for so long, La Leche League issued a cease and desist order.

Yo Mama has been nursing for so long, she visits the nail salon once a month for callus removal and a soothing paraffin wax dip.

Yo Mama is so addicted to breastfeeding, she’s gonna need a lactose patch and gum to quit.

Yo Mama has been nursing for so long, her boob tattoo is an expiration date.

Yo Mama has been nursing for so long, she reads What To Expect When You’re Expecting for porn.

Yo Mama is such a prolific nurser, Oreo offered to be her corporate sponsor.

Yo Mama has been nursing for so long, her milk ducts have their own Facebook page. (Sample Status Update: Mommy’s milk ducts are…getting psyched to see The Avengers this weekend!”)

Wanna read more of my boobtastic writing? Check out my blog on nursing hunger or the one about how my breast pump talks to me.

*Please, no angry comments! This is all tongue-in-cheek; I am uber pro-breastfeeding! In fact, I’m pumping as I blog!

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18 Responses to Yo Mama: TIME Cover Edition

  1. bdaiss says:

    A tooth? Already? Go Evie! Both of mine had their first tooth at 5 months. Luckily, neither was a biter, so I made it to nearly a year nursing with both. (Travel and work were my breastfeeding demise…although both kids seemed to have the “eh, whatever, give me a bottle and I’m good” attitude which probably didn’t help.)

    I’m good with folks nursing as long as they AND their kiddos want. My only beef with the cover was 1) the arrangement of the photo (not at all natural or realistic thankyouverymuch) and 2) the stupid title. “Are You Mom Enough?” Get real Time. You have now officially lost all my respect. Stop trying to fuel the mommy wars for your own ratings.

  2. Sarah says:

    Hil. Arious. Love me a good YO MAMA joke. Go, Leslie, go!

  3. LOL! My daughter is 18.5 mos & still nursing, I better go find a tablecloth to cover up….

  4. Awesome, Janice! Totally commendable…and I appreciate the fact that you can laugh at my blog without taking offense. Super cool :-)
    Leslie Goldman recently posted..Yo Mama: TIME Cover Edition

  5. Bex says:

    I will nurse baby #4 until she tells me, in writing, that she wants to wean. I can’t let go!!! She’s only 14 months now, so we have a long while to go (thank goodness).
    Bex recently posted..New Detox Videos For YOU: Yummy Monday w/ Mike Perrine

  6. Claudia says:

    Thanks for drawing up some light on such a controversial matter. Yeah, it’s true that advertising is playing a key role throughout this world. Also creating controversy is a deliberate way to get increased advertise. But it’s not tolerable at all. It’s the purity of parenting that kept our society strong & disciplined. When it goes down it really bells an alarm. That’s a shame.
    Claudia recently posted..A Comprehensive Look at Wheatgrass Juicers or Why Don’t I Use a Manual Wheatgrass Juicer ?

  7. Jill says:

    I recently told my new-mama niece that you should breastfeed until it annoys the crap out of you! When you absolutely canNOT deal with it another day, then it’s time to quit. Breastmilk tinged with resentment probably doesn’t taste very good.

    Yo Mama #2 killed me!! :)
    Jill recently posted..Overcome Binge Eating (Guest Post)

  8. Thanks! I loved nursing…lasted two years. Weaning was easy, she just got interested in other things. If she didn’t ask, I didn’t offer.
    The big sell for me was when she got a nasty stomach bug that was going around. We had a bad 24 hours, of only letting her nurse in 6 sips (docs orders) and my friend’s bottle fed baby ended up in the ER and admitted to the hospital.
    Breast milk is dynamic- it changes and creates antibodies in response the cooties in your child’s mouth. Truly “Rocket Fuel”.
    Cheers Leslie!

  9. Excellent advice. Going to the military certainly served me well later in life. Something to think about! Thanks.
    Edna V. Watts recently posted..Vaina Tightening

  10. The yo mama jokes are boobtastic! I nursed my son until he as 10 months old, and my daughter until just after a year. Weaning my daughter was harder on me than her because I was so emotional about it (we’re not having any more kids).
    Alysa (InspiredRD) recently posted..Fresh & Colorful Quinoa Salad

  11. Boby Miller says:

    Excellent advice !
    Now I have idea how to wean as it was hard before…
    Thanks for sharing !
    Boby Miller recently posted..Why Do Traders Fail?

  12. Cristian Jacoby says:

    A good mama must nursing and serve breastfeed to her child minimum two years. Because this is the perfect time for a healthy child.
    Cristian Jacoby recently posted..Chiriquí estará bien representado

  13. Breastfeeding provides a perfect nutrition to the body of the babies. It is recommended to breastfeed the babies for enough time to get the exact nutrients from the breast-milk. It is proven that breast milk gives a lot of nutrients to the body of the babies.
    Jennifer Sollins recently posted..Intivar

  14. Katie Derbs says:

    This is perfect cover for the magazine Time. It is very important to breastfeed a baby because the milk of the mother is very nutritious to the baby.
    Katie Derbs recently posted..Natural Remedies for Men who Want to Enhance their Sexual Performance

  15. Marcia Kin says:

    I like this post. I love the cover.Like!!!
    Marcia Kin recently posted..You Are Sure To Be Impressed With The Results Of These Teeth Whitening Tips

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