Once upon a time, in a land far, far away, people had sex to get pregnant. They peed on sticks and waited with giddy excitement for two pink lines to emerge. And when they learned they were pregnant, they were happy.
Not today. One in eight couples will battle infertility and one in 100 babies are conceived in a petri dish. Frilly lingerie and wine-soaked romps have been replaced with hospital gowns and estrogen suppositories. More husbands know how to shoot their wives up with progesterone than how to fix a flat tire.
I know from experience. Dan and I spent two years trudging in and out of fertility clinics, plowing through treatments such as the ovulation-inducing drug Clomid, intrauterine insemination and injectable medications before bowing down before the granddaddy of them all: In vitro fertilization (IVF). Procreation swiftly morphed from a pleasurable journey to a daily grind. Our baby was ultimately conceived not in our candlelit bedroom, but a darkened lab by a man I’ve never met; five days later, I swallowed a Valium and had two embryos inserted in my uterus through a catheter before (I am told; the drugs caused amnesia) eating a Snickers bar and passing out. Eleven days after that third IVF attempt, we received the phone call that would change our lives: “Congratulations!” Nurse Jamie proclaimed. “You’re pregnant!” Our bodies flooded with shock and elation.
Then, the fear set in, and instantaneously, I knew: My pregnancy journey would not be like everyone else’s. “Women who become pregnant after infertility treatments face more complex challenges than those with a natural pregnancy,” explains Amy Blanchard, PhD, a psychologist in Cupertino, CA, who specializes in infertility. “They can’t relax; there’s incredible fear and anxiety over miscarriage or birth defects. They’ve usually spent years in treatment, and are used to things not working out.”
Keep reading my story, Formerly Infertile, in the new issue of Fit Pregnancy magazine…
Thank you for sharing this. I’m 23 weeks along after a four-year struggle with infertility … OK, three years of struggle, then one of giving up. So, we’re actually the infertility cliché—our little surprise happened the old-fashioned way, after my RE told me that my AMH level made me a less-than-ideal candidate for IVF. (We considered adoption, and hadn’t ruled it out entirely, but were intimidated to get the ball rolling on the process.) How bit a surprise? I went to the doctor thinking I had food poisoning; I was already almost 8 weeks along.
Was I overjoyed to be expecting after all the trying, testing, frustration, and heartbreak? No. I was shocked, and terrified, assuming that because of my age (37) and lousy eggs, this baby was sure to have a horrible defect or I was just going to miscarry, so why get attached? I checked for bleeding every time I went to the bathroom. Not to mention that after having a year of adjusting to the idea of not having biological children, this was a huge, sudden paradigm shift in reverse. (Oh, and let’s add in the first-trimester exhaustion, and the fact that I was wrapping up an emotionally challenging phase of my life.)
I didn’t start to relax until after the 12-week ultrasound and nuchal fold screening, and didn’t really start to let myself get attached until I passed the first sequential screen with flying colors (translation: no sign of birth defects; baby is healthy so far and measuring a bit ahead of gestational age).
So yes—it’s affirming to hear that I’m not an ungrateful wench for not being nonstop, 100% elated the moment my doctor broke the news…
P.S.—Of course, we’ve had to deal with our share of smug “I told you so!” responses, that all we had to do was “just relax” and let nature take its course. If anyone in the IF trenches wants to take some comfort from my “success,” you’re welcome to do so, but as far as I’m concerned, I just got dumb-#@$@#! lucky in that one of my few good eggs was in the right place at the right time.
Hi,
I have a quick question about your blog, do you think you could e-mail me?
Jillian
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Oisha Hicks recently posted..Male Sexuality: Herbs to Enhance the Male Sexuality
Excellent article Leslie. As one of those lucky ones who coneived naturally, my heart goes out to those, like you, who have to try so stinking hard. It seems horribly unfair that so many wonderful people struggle to become pregnant when there are so many who “happen” into pregnancy when they shouldn’t.
I also cannot fathom anyone shorting a pregnant woman’s misery, no matter how they got there. Morning sickness is morning sickness, etc, etc. It sucks. Period. The end. Do these folks have no emapthy? Sheesh!
It is really nice to feel when a woman get pregnant and see her cute baby. Even if she encounters morning sickness still she is so excited to see her baby.
Ann Fantom recently posted..Gain a Bigger and Harder Erection Naturally
A lot of women are suffering infertility. In fact, I have read one of the bloggers which she is so frustrate for experiencing infertility.
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Great article. Really helps people understand the challenges and success of conceiving!