I used to worry that dating a shorter man would make me feel like this. I was wrong.
In high school, I swore I would never, ever date someone who was shorter than me. I was 5’10”-and-a-half, felt 6’2”, and believed only a man of Shaquille O’Neal’s stature could make me feel dainty, feminine and non-Amazonian. I suffered from a major Bea Arthur complex, and was convinced I was just one shorter man away from shoulder pads, floor-dusting caftans and size 12 flats.
Then I went away to college and fell for a guy who was 5’9” on a good day. He was my first love and suddenly, it didn’t matter that my inseam was longer than his. My next serious boyfriend was the same height as the first. Both were phenomenal partners and treated me like a queen. I never felt like a circus freak and instead chose to identify with a pre-divorce Uma Thurman and Ethan Hawke.
Once I finally came around to the fact that my one true love had been sitting under my nose this whole time, disguised as my best friend, it was a happy coincidence that he happens to be about an inch taller than me in bare feet. (And, against all odds, Jewish to boot!) I wore near-flats on our wedding day but regularly step out in high heels. And while my days of dating shorter men are behind me, I was a more than a little excited when I recently met Olympic speed skater Apolo Anton Ohno and discovered he is the perfect height to nuzzle into my neck.
So I was intrigued when I recently received an email with the subject “SHORT, dark and handsome?” in the Subject. It read:
Let’s face it; we’re living in a world that tells us a tall man is a handsome man, an athletic man as well as a successful man. Whether we admit it or not, all of these stigmas collect in the minds of the shorter man and can have a profound affect on a shorter man’s mindset and psychological state.
How do shorter men overcome and persevere socially in the dating world? They get a great amount of help from celebrity clothier Jimmy Au’s For Men 5’8” and Under.
Turns out Jimmy, who stands 5 ‘2”, is a Beverly Hills-based celebrity clothier who has outfitted everyone from Mark Wahlberg (5’7”) to Elijah Wood (5’6”) to Flavor Flav (5’5.5”). (Others well-dressed shorties include Marc Anthony, Danny DeVito, Al Pacino, Joe Pesci, Jason Alexander and Michael J. Fox.)
Considering height is intimately related to body image, I asked Jimmy a few Qs about his clients and the psychology of the short man:
What are some common misconceptions about shorter men?
“When it comes to body image… some misconceptions about shorter men include every short man wants to look taller; every short man wants to be taller; every shorter man feels short. If people didn’t make heightist comments, I don’t think any shorter man would need to feel this way.”
What are some obstacles facing shorter men?
“Shorter men need to overcome those who judge them purely based on height. They need to overcome the inequality that exists in pay just because one is shorter. They need to overcome women who judge and won’t give a chance to men based on height. They need to overcome the image that assertiveness is somehow a complex developed because of their height.
On the flipside, some people need to overcome the obstacle of judging the abilities of short men based on their height when it’s completely unrelated. Some employers need to overcome the obstacle of paying a shorter man less for the same work. Some women need to overcome the obstacle of judging attractiveness purely based on height. Some people have to overcome the obstacle of assuming an assertive or dominant shorter man is such because he’s trying to compensate for his height.”
Why do people call you the psychologist to Hollywood’s shorter leading men?
“We help them look good and feel good. Some feel taller because of our designs. Some like the care that goes into the design. The better the fit, the better the comfort. The shopping experience isn’t condescending but with dignity and enthusiasm. We do not treat all our clients the same. Different people have different emotional, psychological and physical needs and we try our best to be considerate of that to create the best shopping experience possible.”
Basically, Jimmy Au’s is no different than Long Tall Sally or Say yes to the Dress: Big Bliss. Women of different sizes need and deserve stores dedicated to them; why not men?
Now I just need to work on convincing my husband to work a special “Apolo” clause into our marriage…
My husband is 6’1″ (I’m 5’3″ when I stand up really straight), but in college, my longtime boyfriend was maaaybe 5’5″. He was a lot of fun, smart, and cocky. His height didn’t affect him at all in the confidence department. Of course his mother thought he hung the moon and never failed to tell him every chance she got. Which is one of the reasons he and I are not together today (mama’s boy much?).
Oh, and one more thing… APOLLO NUZZLED YOUR NECK??? Totally jealous over here.
Jill recently posted..Sunday night on the patio
My husband is 4 inches shorter than me (I’m 5’9″). A lot of people assume I don’t wear high heels because I don’t want to tower over him more than I already do, but that’s not the case. (In fact, he LOVES it when I wear heels!) The real reason is much simpler: I’m a klutz. teetering around on high heels is not only a danger for me and those around me, but, let’s face it, the closer I am to the ground, the less space there is to fall.
Short guys rock!
P.S., Keeping my fingers crossed for the Apolo clause!
awesome. my husband is about 4-5 inches shorter than me (I’m 5’10″). i really don’t mind it at all! i don’t wear heels, either – not because of the height but the unforgiving super steep hill i walk down to get to work. yay shorties.
ps – do you remember the episode of saved by the bell when jessie met the perfect guy sitting down but wouldn’t date him when he stood up and turned out to be shorter than her? classic.
So funny, I made myself that same promise through High School and College. I wouldn’t date anyone shorter than me, and ended up settling down with a 5’6″ amazing individual. Oddly enough, his self-confidence was the clincher, and we’ve been together for the past 6 years.
Thanks for this interview, a new suit is just what he needs!
My husband is about two inches shorter than me, and it never phases me. He’s the man in the relationship, and although he’s shorter, I’ll look up to him forever.
Very interesting and compelling article. Demonstrates how the personal and professional worlds have the ability to bring people together and look past issues such as height that really should be non-issues.
At 5’11” I haven’t dealt too much with dating girls who were taller than me. However, I once dated a girl who was about an inch shorter than me and would cause here to be a bit taller than me when she wore heels. Although it made for a few akward pictures when we were at a friends wedding it never really caused an issue. I have had shorter friends who avoid dating tall women, but if a guy is confident in themselves a woman’s height shouldn’t keep them away from dating them.
Being that I’m 5”6 without heels and 5″10 with heels I use to say that whoever I date or fall in love with has to be taller than me, but I’ve met an amazing man that I love and been with for 2 years who is the EXACT same height as me!! I wear heels everyday! I realized that there are no height requirements when it comes to love!
P.S.
“Big Things” come in small packages!
Haha Short, dark and handsome! What a great line and a fascinating topic. It’s a wonder more people haven’t brought this one up before. My husband is just over 5’7″ and i’m about 4 inches taller. He always used to tell me about being turned down by girls growing up…until of course, he met me. People say we see “eye to eye” on evything but we joke by saying we see “eye to thigh”
Ps. I’m gonna have to send him to that store. Sounds pretty cool…
Omg! This is literally story of my life!!! Im 5’2” and I was always the embarrassed one in my group of friends to go out and meet the ladies. I was always feeling insecure about my height. Sometimes I would actually leave the house with folded paper towels stuffed at the bottom of my shoes just to desperately look taller. Soon enough though, with the help of friends, I built up my self conscience and decided to hell with height!
Now I have been dating an EXTRAORDINARY women who is, wait for it…..5’9”! She happened to have a similar self conscience height issue like myself, but now that we have found each other we couldn’t be any happier. Thanks for sharing this story!
I have to admit, high school was rough for me (especially when it came to asking girls out for prom). I can really count the amount of days on my hands when I was not ridiculed for height, or lack of. I graduated high school at 5’5” and I was convinced there was no hope for short men like me. However, as I matured more and became more confident in myself, women were able to overlook my lack of height. I am now in a relationship with an amazing, taller woman and I look forward to spending the rest of my life with her.
Oh, Jill, he most certainly did NOT nuzzle my neck. I was just insinuating that, if he had wanted to, he could have
Thanks, everyone, for all of the wonderful and inspiring comments. Height ain’t nothin’ but a number!
Leslie Goldman recently posted..Short, dark and handsome?
I can honestly say I have never ever thought about this issue until just now and I’m fascinated. For some reason, as a slightly-taller-than-average girl (I’m 5’7″) I always wanted to be taller. 5’10″ was my “ideal” height and I spent most of my college years lying and saying I was 5’8″ (I know… ridic). But it never once occured to me that a man would feel judged not just for his height but for being okay with his height! Thanks for the elucidating interview – I’ll be thinking on this one for a while.
charlotte recently posted..The Problem With Ordering Fitness Gear Online [Someone At Finish Line Is Messing With Me]
I think we women have it a lot easier when it comes to height then men. True, it took me (and is still taking me) a long time to own my 5’11 stature, but for the most part, I feel like our society views it as a good thing and other people, men and women, are actually envious or impressed by my height. However, I think shorter women are often preferred and looked at as more favorable by a lot of men and more feminine in general. Basically, what I am saying is that when you are a woman, you can be short, tall or in between and it is all good. Men on the other hand are supposed to be tall – there are not very many woman who say they prefer short men. I can understand how that would make a shorter than average (or even average) man feel inadequate. Luckily I never really cared that much and am now happily married for 5 years to my wonderfu hubby who is 5’6!