Coming to a tattoo parlor near you: Tittoos, AKA nipple tattoos. Apparently, women have found yet another body part with which to be dissatisfied and, much like “vaginal rejuvenation” and labiaplasty allow us to nip and tuck our ladybits, we can now go all Crayola with our areola and rock the rosebuds of our dreams.
“Tattoos – what could possibly go wrong?!” asked everyone in the history of body art. Well, for one thing, you’ve got a needle injecting you 100 times per second in an extraordinarily sensitive place. Also, trends change, and while all the cool kids might have honey-hued teacup saucers in their 20s, you may prefer salmon silver dollars in your 30s. (The same danger looms large over laser surgery patients who have their bikini lines completely defuzzed; be prepared for serious buyer’s remorse when you’re a grandmother.) Also, one tittoo technician warned, “A procedure gone wrong can have devastating effects. A couple of millimeters out, and those beautiful perky breasts can end up looking like you have breastfed 15 kids.”
Originally used in surgical reconstruction following mastectomies, the practice is going mainstream (in the UK, at least.) A clinician in England has said patients come to her “so they can go topless and not be embarrassed, or when they’re in a changing room and getting changed.” As someone who is topless in a locker room more days of the week than not, allow me to apologize in advance to the women derobing alongside me: I can barely find the time to get a pedicure more than once a season – don’t expect me to make an appointment for nipple ink just because you prefer rosy-peach over deep taupe.